Last Thoughts
December 17th, 2005 @ 5:23 pmFour months ago, 24 students from the University of California education system journeyed to Vietnam for a semester of study. Today’s luncheon marked the end of this Education Abroad Program (EAP): Hanoi 2005. Gerard, our program director, and all the teachers and staff were present for some parting words. It will most likely be the last time the participants in this year’s program will ever be together. Tomorrow, everyone will go their separate ways. Some are going to Saigon to visit family, others are staying in Hanoi until Tet. A good number are continuing to tour other Asian countries like Thailand, China, and Cambodia. Then there are a few people, like me, who will return to the United States.
It is difficult to quantify, or even qualify, how Vietnam has affected me. Four months in the greater scheme of things is truly not that significant. Assuming that an average American male citizen lives to 75 years of age, it spans only 1/225 of my life. But maybe because I am twenty years old, or maybe because it is the first time I have been outside the country for so long, or because it is the first time not living with my parents, or because it is simply Vietnam, I must say that I have changed immensely in the last 4 months.
Vietnam cannot change me. I must change myself.
-Stef Young, at some point in the last four months
Before I came to Vietnam, I was a semi-goofy, semi-awkward guy who studied a lot and secretly felt that society was playing one massive trick in letting him think he was actually an ok human being. And now, after 4 months of Vietnam, I am a semi-goofy, semi-awkward guy who studies a lot and feels that he is an ok human being regardless of what society thinks of him.
Though there are many blog entries on this site that I am very fond of, the one that causes me the most secret embarassment the one about me lacking confidence. I do not know why. But the fact is, I am brimming with confidence. I know I can achieve anything I want to achieve. And if there are setbacks, I know there will be a way to overcome it. And if ultimately I choose to abandon my aspirations, I know that it will be ok as well. My confidence, my self-worth, is grounded in the knowledge of who I am and who I want to be, not what I have or have not achieved.
You IS who you IS.
-Gerard Sasges
Vietnam has also taught me to judge less. The people of Vietnam, even the people in this program, all organize their life in slightly/drastically different set of morals and values. It is not for me to say they are bad or good people, especially if I am imposing my personal belief system on their lifestyle. Ultimately, we are all trying to find our way in this world. Who is to say that my way is better than yours, or yours is better than mine? But we are to judge less, than what are we to do if and when we meet someone with a different moral code? Strive to understand more.
If there is a will, there is a way.
-Diane, the first EAP person I met at LAX over 4 months ago and one of the first things she said to me.
We are all confronted with opportunities and choices every single moment of our lives. It is a condition that makes us human, a condition that transcends all geopolitical boundaries. Before I came to Vietnam, I will admit that I was afraid of my opportunities and of my choices. I feared that perhaps I was not worthy of the opportunities, that I would screw up. And somehow, doing things inadequately in an attempt to do things correctly was an exponentially worse scenario than not attempting the opportunity at all. But such line of thinking is wrong.
Coach Ken Carter: What is your deepest fear?
Timo Cruz: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-Coach Carter, a movie starring Samuel L. Jackson
Tonight, many of the EAP people will go to dinner together. From there, we will proceed to hop from bar to bar, from club to club, in a final hurrah together. Though it is possible that some of us will never see each other again, I am honored to have known them for at least 1/225 of my life. I hope that I have touched them as deeply as they have touched me.
Best of luck to EAP Hanoi 2005 in the post December 18th Era.
December 17th, 2005 at 11:13 pm
For our beloved young man - Tân - whom I have come to know better though his eyes and his writing.
Forever glad you chose EAP - Hà Nội 2005 as your destination. Will always remember the young man who said. “Chị đừng cho lạc [no peanut in my dish]” at Cây Cau Restaurant in Hà Nội in October 2005.
Thank you for reminding us of who we (Mom and I) are - người Việt Nam - by conversing entirely in Vietnamese
Most of all, thank to Tân’s parents & his family for sending him to his fatherland, for giving us the opportunity learn and to appreciate life even more through his view.
Thank you for the privilege.
Awaiting your safe return.
With Love,
PC
December 18th, 2005 at 2:35 pm
http://xanga.com/youdothetalking
way to go. way to go.
I await your return, compadre.
December 19th, 2005 at 2:38 am
Scary..your comments on opportunities is exactly how I feel…and I was about to blog about it…Maybe I will.
I’ll see you soon.
December 19th, 2005 at 6:00 am
http://www.xanga.com/mejuju
thank you for allowing me to experience Vietnam with you through your words and stories. It’s been a heart-felt, thought-provoking journey. best of luck in your return and re-entry into “the real world”/US life.
blessings.
December 19th, 2005 at 10:43 pm
Welcome home, son. We always love you, no matter how you turn out.
December 20th, 2005 at 12:06 am
Welcome home
Happy Holidays
:)
December 20th, 2005 at 6:04 am
Welcome home!I have learned a lot from you.
December 20th, 2005 at 8:06 am
welcome back tan!
December 20th, 2005 at 10:36 am
Hello…there. I was googling to find more information on Bao Ninh, and his novel “Sorrow of War” and I came upon your blog/page here. Your trip sounds amazing. I’m hoping to experience something as great as that when I enter college soon. Well, I just wanted to say that not only did I find useful information on Bao Ninh and his novel, I also found other several interesting things you encountered during your trip. It was quite interesting to know that there are Hmong people living in Vietnam, specifically Sapa. As a Hmong American, I hardly know anything about the Hmong people in Asia, and it’s always nice to discover something new about it. I’m glad you put up the pictures of their clothing because it gave me a sense of what their culture clothing is like, compared to the ones I have today. I’ve gotta admit, you are a super intelligent person, and for some reason, you really inspire me to find my other half that I don’t know about.
December 20th, 2005 at 11:46 am
tan,
I miss vietnam already. i miss the dirty air, the noise and eap so much. i cried last night in bed…. and i almost even miss handwashing all my clothes. how you doing? i hope you are having a better time at home than i am. this re-entry shock is a real thing. take care
love
christie
December 25th, 2005 at 11:55 pm
merry christmas, tan!
December 31st, 2005 at 10:56 am
Praise God for putting you in my life!
)
January 10th, 2006 at 11:52 pm
http://ayaitstina.com
pst… where have u been? no more blogging? well, i just wanted to say thank you for the harry potter book. i meant to say it at the retreat, but it was a silent retreat. =P and the main reason i didn’t say it… i am forgetful. =P i decided i’d be nice and share the book with my mom. i’m not too sure if she’ll actually read it, but she stuck it in her purse. thanks again. hope this quarter is going well for u. although u’re not in VN, i still wouldn’t recommend rubbing chicken mucus in your face. =P
good day, mister nguyen.
January 11th, 2006 at 11:36 pm
http://mijeje.com
I will no longer be writing to this site. However, if anyone wishes to contact me, simply leave a comment anywhere on this site and an email containing your comment will promptly be sent to me. Thank you for reading.
February 20th, 2006 at 12:21 am
http://www.xanga.com/mejuju
hey there!
just wanted to check in and see how your post-hanoi/vietnam experience is going. I’m sure you’ve plunged back into life in the U-S of A, but hope the “‘re-entry” experience is going ok. Now that you’re back in OC, you should most def check out what’s crackin’ in the VA community. Send me an email and I’ll add you to my “what’s going on in OC for us young VA” mailing list.
julie
March 29th, 2006 at 9:59 am
http://www.xanga.com/kisses4krysti
It is awesome that you went to Vietnam to study abroad. Perhaps I should consider doing that.
April 18th, 2006 at 2:35 pm
http://www.xanga.com/trinhy84
is this who I think it is? =P
September 15th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
http://www.jagadgurusiddhaswarupananda.com
I really like and support these programs of cultural and social integration because they really do help to open your eyes to the real situation in the world so to speak, and so you in turn become a more real and appreciative person. I went through the same experience when I was sent to Indonesia’s slum areas to work and study for a while.
October 6th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
http://www.londonvacationpackageinfo.com
Just found this … wow!
What was it, intrinsically, ,about Vietname that changed you so profoundly?
October 11th, 2008 at 5:52 am
http://mijeje.com
londonpackage, that is an interesting question for me to think about 3 years after this trip. My answer cannot be both direct and succinct at the same time…I lack that kind of eloquence.
Vietnam changed me because it challenged me. I was born and raised in America, and there were many things about my life that I took for granted or that I assumed to be universally true. Vietnam, and I suspect any foreign country that I might spend a long time in, turned my world upside down. In doing so, I learned much about myself that I could not hope to learn without this trip.
October 28th, 2008 at 4:13 am
http://www.brandonraynor.com/jagad_guru_chris_butler
thank you for allowing me to experience Vietnam with you through your words and stories. It’s been a heart-felt, thought-provoking journey. best of luck in your return and re-entry into “the real world”/US life.
January 15th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Happy Newyear….My daughter just back from EAP 2008, she also mention Alex, one of your group EAP 2005, and he back in VN and share a lot of his time with EAP 2008 group. I wish i read your blog before August 11, the day my daughter leaving us, we have about a year for be ready for 4 months she really far away from us. We did fly to Hanoi for taking her home and we spent about a wêek there, she take us around schơol, up to her rơom at D8 and eat all the fơods around schơol. We just curious that what up to you now? Finish schơol? Get maried?
January 19th, 2009 at 7:37 am
http://mijeje.com
Happy New Year, Juliet! I graduated UC-Irvine in 2007 and am now scheduled to graduate from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in 2012.
January 19th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Thanks for let us know what you up to, chúc Tân thành công và may mắn, gơod luck and have fun.
January 20th, 2009 at 9:01 am
http://www.emo-friends.com
I love Vietnam. hope to return there this year
February 7th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
http://www.vibe.to/
No matter how beautiful or how scary things are in life we always learn a lot from it. Keep the good memories and forget the bad ones and move on life as strong as ever. Gud luck!!!
May 7th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
http://www.watchscrubsepisodes.org
Ive wanted to go to Vietnam ever since I first saw it on tv. I envy you for your experiences
October 29th, 2009 at 11:08 am
http://www.heathrowairambulance.com
Heathrow Air Ambulance
Wow Vietnam!! The rice, the fields. So nice…
November 18th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
http://www.bestweddinginvitation.com/
Great then!!!Welcome home!….
January 14th, 2010 at 11:23 pm
http://baby-contest.net
Great post.
Thanks
Mike
Baby Contest
February 19th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
http://reviewmovie.ru/
“подробней пожалуйста”
March 10th, 2010 at 11:19 pm
http://www.hostiteasy.de
No new content available? so bad…
vtiger
July 29th, 2010 at 2:06 am
http://www.liverdiseaseherbs.info
Beautiful words. “he is an ok human being regardless of what society thinks of him. ”
Early symptoms of liver failure
August 22nd, 2010 at 2:15 pm
http://www.vietnam-aktuell.de
Thanks very much for the detailled report about Vietnam travel. As a Vietnamese I am very proud to read your report.