Friends
December 13th, 2005 @ 10:27 amYesterday marked the last day I will be doing laundry during this EAP trip. I simply washed enough underwear to last me until Sunday, December 18. Assuming I do not pee in my pants or anything like that, I will have enough clean clothes to last me through the week.
When I return to live in my parents’ home, the first thing I will do is laundry. And by “laundry” I do not mean “squatting in the bathroom, scrubbing all my clothes vigorously, washing out the soap, wringing out the excess water, and hanging up the clothes to dry.” I will do laundry back in the United States by pushing a few buttons.
The last paragraph was an attempt at a joke. For all those who complain about laundry in America, remember that halfway around the world, laundry is much harder work. Laundry without a machine is not a 4 month experience for some people. It is a lifetime reality.
After I do some laundry, a few friends back in America have offered to take me to Roscoe’s, IHOP, and In-n-Out. Actually, only one has offered to take me to Roscoe’s (after I told her to take me there), but these are places I would like to go, just in case anyone really wants to take me somewhere but don’t know where. (I flatter myself in thinking there are really people who really want to take me somewhere.)
But as I look ahead to what I will do when I leave America, I cannot help but look back at what I have done here in Vietnam. And for 4 months, nearly everything I did was with 23 other people on the program. A person in a group that large cannot possibly be close with every other person. People naturally get closer to some other people, forming separate subgroups of friends under the wider umbrella that is EAP. Popular slang for this phenomenon is “clique.”
In my case, I have never personally identified with any clique here, but was not especially excluded from any of the cliques. Popular slang for this type of person is “floater.” On one hand, being a floater is fun in that you can hang with anyone you like. But on the downside, cliques tend to forget to include the floaters when they scheme their next Vietnam adventure. That, of course, can make the days quite lonely sometimes.
My floater status also leads me to wonder whether I will ever see any of these EAP people after the program. And for all the promises we make in that regard, we will soon all be going back to our normal lives, and it won’t be as easy as it sounds. But such is life.
As many of my friends back home say, “It is not about how long the friendship lasted, but how true it was.” I know I have made a true effort in being friends with everyone here. I did not choose my floater status. It just turned out that way. When casual conversation turns to the topic of Tan, the consensus points to two main ideas:
1. “Why does he have to do all of the readings for class? Why does he have to have every paper done one week before it’s due? It makes me look so bad.”
2. “I’m actually glad Tan came. He really made it a lot easier in the beginning to transition into Vietnam. I think he and Diane did the most to reach out in the beginning.”
I laugh at the first comment. I am touched by the second.
I am also touched to know that the friendship given to me was also true. Whenever I cried, someone was there. Whenever I had a little too much to drink, someone was there. When I didn’t see an incoming bus, someone was there. And when I wanted to talk, someone was there. I do not know what will happen to my relationships in the post-Dec 18th era, but I am thankful that they were true.
December 13th, 2005 at 1:42 pm
Hi Tan. Few months ago, a friend (Quoc Anh) introduced me your blog and it’s been my favourite site since then.
I’m from Hanoi but currently studying abroad. Although coming from different backgrounds, I find it pretty interesting that we share many thoughts about Vietnam. I also gave this link to other friends and they enjoy following your 4 month journey as very much as me.
I’ve just come back to Hanoi. It would be great if I could meet you before leaving Vietnam. So contact me (via my email) if you have time.
Sorry for posting here cos I couldn’t find your email address or any contact details. Feel free to delete (and/or ignore) this entry
December 13th, 2005 at 10:08 pm
Hope you know that you have four true “friends” waiting for you in Orange. They will push the buttons of the washing machine for you. They will give you big hugs after you change … clothes
December 14th, 2005 at 2:54 am
http://www.xanga.com/mejuju
There’s just something about spending 5 months in a country like Vietnam–living, breathing and experiencing those challenges together–that brings people together. You’re right about the ‘clique’ and ‘floater’ phenomenon and your thoughts on your EAP friendships are right on point, but let me just share that even though I don’t see all my fellow EAP-ers very often, I will always have a deep connection with every single one of them because of what we shared in Vietnam.
But, like any relationship, keeping in touch takes effort and a level of investment, and even though all of them aren’t your best friends, I assure you, you’ll want to stay connected and up-to-date with their post-VN lives and marvel at how those few months have and will affect the way you all live out the rest of your lives. I know that sounds pretty heavy, but its true. Those men and women who travelled with you these past months will forever be engrained in your memory, as each person brought so much life and personality to your experience. Hold on to that and honor that. Have a safe trip home!
peace.
December 14th, 2005 at 4:31 am
A true Roscoe’s experience must be had at the original one on Pico Blvd in my neck of the woods. That’s an invitation to visit your cousin!! Meet Mama Ella who will yell at you for putting your elbows on the table and possibly see some celebs (Quentin Tarantino is my most recent sighting there).
December 14th, 2005 at 6:14 am
Thank you for introducing this site to me. I wished I had known about it from the beginning. I found out about this site in late November. I tried reading from the newest to oldest entries….but stopped half way through. I enjoyed all of your entries so far and especially love your articulate writing skills. You truly bring your experiences and Vietnam to life. It is really neat to hear your journey….somewhat similiar to mine from last year’s EAP, but very personalized with an added twist. I hope this web blog stays active so I can finish reading the rest and hopefully make comments on them.
December 14th, 2005 at 7:01 am
um okay, this blog was veryy touching. im sad that your leaving Vietnam[cause i know how much fun youve had over there] but im sooo excited that you’re coming hooome! my brother is coming hooOMe..WEEEEeEeeE!
do you remember where this is from:
“at zalinski lab, the Future is…………….. NOW!”
December 14th, 2005 at 9:25 pm
Dear Tan,
Our time here in Vietnam is coming to an end and everything seems to be a big blur. It seems like only yesterday when we were all meeting each other at the airport. Looking back at our time here in Hanoi, every one of us on the program was a puzzle piece that fit together to form and meld all our experiences. I honestly feel that you were an important part. I’m glad you didn’t move out of D8 to the HUFFS dorm because “the picture wouldn’t have been complete.”
As for after the program, you can count on me to be keep in contact with you. Although our doors at D8 will no longer be open for each other, i know there’s a new door forming back in the States.
Enjoy the next few days Tan, let’s live it up!
Your D8 Neighboor!
Don
December 15th, 2005 at 2:07 pm
http://ayaitstina.com
moving is always a sad, yet happy experience. meeting new people, making new friends… yet sometimes losing them due to distance and other things that life calls us to do. all friendships take effort. leaving these friends u’ve come close to these past four months will be hard, but so was moving there to make those friends in the first place. besides, u have friends back here waiting for u. i’m sure u’ll be having free meals for awhile–until they get bored of u!
or until they get tired of seeing u. 
enjoy the rest of your stay. and be sure to take care of yourself. have a safe trip HOME.
March 26th, 2006 at 12:39 am
http://www.xanga.com/quyhac
Hello Tan, my name is Tran, Quy-Hac. I came across your website while on a friend’s xanga, Julie Vo. I am glad I discovered your page. Your blogs on your experiences of Vietnam are first rate. Through all the images and desciptive topics on VN, I am able to have a better understanding of the country. I have yet to go to VN, but this fall I will be studying in Hanoi through CIEE.
If you have AIM, my screen name is quyhac.
- hac.
December 9th, 2006 at 9:35 pm
http://www.xanga.com/simplymotion
hello veteran eap’er. My name is Chris (Minh), currently on Hanoi EAP Hanoi 2006. Your site satisfied much of my curiousity before leaving on this trip and now that we’re about to leave its pretty comforting to read who you dealt with it. Thanks brother.
December 9th, 2006 at 9:37 pm
http://www.xanga.com/simplymotion
wow my english is getting shitty already.
December 31st, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I went to Vietnam on the UC EAP Hanoi program in 2000. We were the second batch of students to go — there were only 11 of us back then. At that time we lived at the A2 Bach Khoa dormitories, there were no cellphones, we could not ride motorbikes, we initially did all our shopping at the Fivi Mart (because it was the only place with fixed prices) and we had to make bi-monthly trips to ANZ since it was the only ATM I remember that allowed us to withdraw money. Out of this really basic and almost difficult experience, I walked away from the program with some of the fondest memories of my life, and to this day, some of my closest and dearest friends.
I visited your group back in 2005 towards the end of the program. People were on cellphones, taking buses, riding motorbikes, going to places called “the toilet” and living basically on campus. I remember thinking how the program had changed and how your experiences were probably a lot different from ours. Reading your blog showed me that even if the place and program had changed, the feelings remain the same.
I randomly came across your blog a few nights ago when I was googling “I will miss Vietnam” on my last trip. I was in Hanoi with a friend I met from EAP. We had come back from a drunken night of cheap beer and food. We went to some of the places in your photos. Man, it’s crazy how life moves on, but some things and feelings always remain the same.
January 10th, 2009 at 5:06 am
http://mijeje.com
GBR, thank you for your candid comment. I am still quite fond of my memories here in Vietnam, and I am glad and honored that this blog helped you revisit some of your memories.
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:14 am
http://dimagrirevelocemente.blogspot.com
Nice photos. I was searching photos of Vietnam because i’m planning a trip there after a friend of mine has visited and said it’s a great country.
January 29th, 2009 at 6:49 am
http://www.vbcontracting.com
Wow Julie that was well said. Considering all the people that cross our paths who will really stick in our memories? Have you ever remembered somebody out of the blue that you haven’t thought of in a long time then actually meet them in person a short time after that recollection? Weird.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:57 am
http://sparen.linkje.nl
Your blog was very touching indeed, and it’s sad you are leaving Vietnam. But on the other hand you are starting a new adventure and I hope you’ll find the beauty and excitement as you found in Vietnam. Good luck!