Tan’s in Việt Nam!

Four months ago, 24 students from the University of California education system journeyed to Vietnam for a semester of study. Today’s luncheon marked the end of this Education Abroad Program (EAP): Hanoi 2005. Gerard, our program director, and all the teachers and staff were present for some parting words. It will most likely be the last time the participants in this year’s program will ever be together. Tomorrow, everyone will go their separate ways. Some are going to Saigon to visit family, others are staying in Hanoi until Tet. A good number are continuing to tour other Asian countries like Thailand, China, and Cambodia. Then there are a few people, like me, who will return to the United States.

It is difficult to quantify, or even qualify, how Vietnam has affected me. Four months in the greater scheme of things is truly not that significant. Assuming that an average American male citizen lives to 75 years of age, it spans only 1/225 of my life. But maybe because I am twenty years old, or maybe because it is the first time I have been outside the country for so long, or because it is the first time not living with my parents, or because it is simply Vietnam, I must say that I have changed immensely in the last 4 months.

Vietnam cannot change me. I must change myself.

-Stef Young, at some point in the last four months

Before I came to Vietnam, I was a semi-goofy, semi-awkward guy who studied a lot and secretly felt that society was playing one massive trick in letting him think he was actually an ok human being. And now, after 4 months of Vietnam, I am a semi-goofy, semi-awkward guy who studies a lot and feels that he is an ok human being regardless of what society thinks of him.

Though there are many blog entries on this site that I am very fond of, the one that causes me the most secret embarassment the one about me lacking confidence. I do not know why. But the fact is, I am brimming with confidence. I know I can achieve anything I want to achieve. And if there are setbacks, I know there will be a way to overcome it. And if ultimately I choose to abandon my aspirations, I know that it will be ok as well. My confidence, my self-worth, is grounded in the knowledge of who I am and who I want to be, not what I have or have not achieved.

You IS who you IS.

-Gerard Sasges

Vietnam has also taught me to judge less. The people of Vietnam, even the people in this program, all organize their life in slightly/drastically different set of morals and values. It is not for me to say they are bad or good people, especially if I am imposing my personal belief system on their lifestyle. Ultimately, we are all trying to find our way in this world. Who is to say that my way is better than yours, or yours is better than mine? But we are to judge less, than what are we to do if and when we meet someone with a different moral code? Strive to understand more.

If there is a will, there is a way.

-Diane, the first EAP person I met at LAX over 4 months ago and one of the first things she said to me.

We are all confronted with opportunities and choices every single moment of our lives. It is a condition that makes us human, a condition that transcends all geopolitical boundaries. Before I came to Vietnam, I will admit that I was afraid of my opportunities and of my choices. I feared that perhaps I was not worthy of the opportunities, that I would screw up. And somehow, doing things inadequately in an attempt to do things correctly was an exponentially worse scenario than not attempting the opportunity at all. But such line of thinking is wrong.

Coach Ken Carter: What is your deepest fear?

Timo Cruz: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Coach Carter, a movie starring Samuel L. Jackson

Tonight, many of the EAP people will go to dinner together. From there, we will proceed to hop from bar to bar, from club to club, in a final hurrah together. Though it is possible that some of us will never see each other again, I am honored to have known them for at least 1/225 of my life. I hope that I have touched them as deeply as they have touched me.

Best of luck to EAP Hanoi 2005 in the post December 18th Era.